Advice from Annie Lane.
: I’ve been married for 22 years, and my husband and I have three teenagers together. My issue is, I caught my husband cheating three years ago and found out that his affair had lasted six years. He claimed that he wasn’t getting his needs met at home. Nonetheless, it broke my heart and my trust.
I don’t know what I have to do to get past this. I even thought about or wished that someone could just knock it out of my brain. But triggers pop up everywhere. We can’t even watch a show together without someone having an affair, and it just triggers me and ruins the whole night. We continue to work on our marriage, as we both want it to work, but there are some days that I feel like I’m just being stupid and I should just leave.
We’ve tried couples counseling, and that didn’t work well. It just continued to bring up the past, and I didn’t want to. I’m not so sure if it’s the cheating that bothers me so much as the length of time he cheated on me, and how the heck did I not see it for that many years?Regaining your husband’s trust is difficult but possible, and unfortunately, it does require bringing up the past. Avoidance will not make you forget.
What happened in your family isn’t guaranteed to happen in theirs. Maybe their baby will be a new spark of positivity around this name for you.Annie Lane offers common-sense solutions to everyday problems. She's firm, funny and sympathetic, echoing the style of her biggest inspiration, Ann Landers. She lives outside Manhattan with her husband, two kids and two dogs. When not writing, she devotes her time to play dates and Play-Doh. Write her: dearannie@creators.
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