Advice from Annie Lane.
Five weeks ago, my brother-in-law moved out of the psychiatric facility he was staying in after causing a scene and breaking property. My husband received a call from him saying he needed to be picked up, which my husband did, and we now have had to pay for my brother-in-law to stay in a local hotel until we can find him an apartment.
We don’t have room at our home, and my mother-in-law has refused to help, saying she has too much on her plate with her youngest son, who has autism. We have spent at least $3,000 the past five weeks with the hotel, food and application fees/down payments for apartments. I try to express my frustration and worry about our financial future to my husband, who gets mad because he doesn’t want to abandon his brother. I fear having to take financial responsibility for my brother-in-law long-term. We have a 4-year-old daughter and now have problems paying our own bills and necessities for our family. We both work full time, and one-third of our paychecks each week are now going to provide for my brother-in-law.
Sit down with your husband and come up with a plan. Determine how much you can comfortably spend to support his brother, without sacrificing the needs of your own family, and a timeline for when that support will end. With a deadline in mind, your brother-in-law should be motivated to kick his apartment search into high gear. If your brother-in-law is unwilling to help himself, then you are only wasting your own time, energy and money by continuing to offer support.
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