Plus: My son never has money, and it’s always someone else’s fault.
: My favorite aunt was dying. Her daughter is my favorite cousin, and I texted her almost every day with encouragement.Dear Abby: I spurned my dear friend because my insurance company told me to. Was that wrong?Dear Abby: I keep getting falsely accused, and I really resent these peopleThirteen days later, I received a text with a photograph of my aunt’s grave.
Ensuing texts and phone calls indicated that my cousin’s older brother had grandstanded and taken over. Questions about her service and burial went unanswered.I have read a great deal about forgiveness — when to offer it, and when to forgive the messenger but not the action. That is the stance I have taken. My once-beloved cousin responds as if all is well between us, though she has asked twice if I would rather she stop communicating, given that I rarely respond. Twice I have said, “That is up to you.” Admittedly, I would love some closure on this, one way or the other. In my youth, I would have forgiven it all, probably even apologized for her “pain” while subjugating my own. I am not in that frame of mind now.What happened was not your cousin’s fault; the fault lies with her grandstanding brother. Do not allow this to interfere with your formerly loving relationship with her. By all means, forgive and move on. Also, put aside your passive-aggressive attitude. When people are grieving a death, even one that is expected, they are usually distracted, in pain and not thinking about how their actions affect others.He receives minimal, below-poverty-level disability payments. Wade’s father and I give him money when he says he’s hungry and out of food. Wade claims his lack of money is the fault of “the system.”How can I help our son to become independent? Wade says our family is “broken” and doesn’t work “as a team.” I have my own bills to pay.Harriette Cole: Moving to Texas sounded practical, but now I’m sad and worriedAsking Eric: I’m worried about the people I’d have to schmooze with at the wedding If Wade defines “working as a team” to mean he can hit you up for money any time he wants, I beg to differ. If he were meant to be a success in the youth-oriented music business, his career would have been in full swing by the time he was 30. Encourage Wade to find a way to supplement his disability payments so his cupboard won’t be bare at the end of the month, and let him know firmly that you won’t be giving him more handouts. Your family isn’t broken; the only thing that’s broke is your son. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.Dear Abby: I spurned my dear friend because my insurance company told me to. Was that wrong?Harriette Cole: Did I fail a moral test when I saw this man's phone get stolen?Mass deportations could jolt Bay Area economy and trigger job losses, report warnsSite of notorious Oakland In-N-Out gets another chance
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