Dear Abby advises a woman whose new boyfriend is still in love with his dead wife and a woman going through a divorce after 15 years.
I am a 42-year-old single mom who recently began a relationship with a wonderful man. I have two kids from my marriage to an ex who wasn’t very kind. We did our best for 16 years and finally had to go our separate ways. The man I’m dating is sensitive and kind. He’s great to my kids. He’s the first person I’ve dated that I have allowed to meet them.
His first wife passed away three months after their wedding 14 years ago. She had been expecting their first child, and it was a tragedy for all involved. When he speaks about her, I just listen. He did move on after she passed. He remarried and had another child, but it didn’t work out. He claims he never loved his second wife. He got her pregnant early on, and married her because it was “the right thing to do.
He still carries a torch for his first wife, whom he calls the love of his life. He keeps a picture of her hanging from his rearview mirror and plans to be buried next to her when he passes. While I understand that love doesn’t die when people pass, I can’t help feeling crushed when he says, “If she were still alive, we wouldn’t even be talking right now.” He puts her memory on a pedestal. How do I handle this? I’m not sure I can stay in a relationship like this.
P.S. In some states, items hanging from one’s rearview mirror are illegal because they obstruct the driver’s vision. I believe your state is one of them.After 15 years of marriage — some happy and some horrible — I am divorcing my husband. We have two beautiful, amazing children together. I would love to have the same last name they do, but I cannot imagine keeping my husband’s last name. His family was awful to me during our entire marriage.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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