A mother is “hurt constantly” as her adult child makes different parenting decisions from hers in the 1980s and ’90s.
My mom tends to take every parenting decision I make as a critique of HER parenting, unless I do it exactly the same way she did it in the 1980s and ’90s. This is true even though I have repeatedly reminded her of all the ways in which my kids’ childhood differs from mine: different generation, different health concerns, different culture, different human beings. It results in her feelings being hurt constantly by things she should not be taking personally.
He just got a great job offer and wants to know what I think. There are a lot of good reasons NOT to take it, including that he would have to leave a job he loves, take on a much more rigorous work-life balance and need some additional education in his field. But he would be making almost double what he’s earning now, which would give us a lot of options, especially if we have kids someday.I feel so much pressure surrounding everything I say about this decision.
Or, facilitate without giving opinions. Keep the pro-con list, for example, or stick to asking him pointed questions. When he wants hard opinions: “I don’t want to influence your decision, even by accident, and get my self-interest involved.” If he wants your self-interest, then he can ask for it.Or: Offer radical transparency. “I don’t want to seem like a gold digger who just wants you to make more money at whatever cost to your emotional health.”· Please look seriously at the company’s stability before making the jump.
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