A mom worries about her daughter, who is in a relationship with a married couple and plans to adopt their (theoretical) baby.
For the last three years, my adult daughter has been in a polyamorous relationship with a married couple. They live in another state, and I’ve met the couple only twice. I like the wife more than the husband. She’s similar to my daughter. Both women hold well-paying jobs with potential for advancement. The husband puts in his 40 hours at a mediocre job, then plays video games while his wife and my daughter take care of the house.
After I processed the information for a few days, my daughter and I had a long talk. I expressed my feelings, that the baby would have two sets of doting biological grandparents and I would just be some woman they saw every once in a while. I also asked my daughter if she was ready for the many changes a baby would make to their lives.My daughter said she understood. Well, suddenly, she tells me she will adopt the baby as a “third parent.
Your responses so far to her news have blurred these lines. Unless she asked your opinion, your warnings and concerns were incursions into her business. Well-meaning, for sure, but incursions nonetheless. A would-be grandmother is no more entitled to weigh in on an adult’s family planning than anyone else.
I don’t mean to sound unfeeling. As I said at the outset, I have plenty of thoughts of my own here; they’re simply not relevant to the math of the situation. Which is:· You do not have a meaningful say in what that is.
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