A simple breath from Kristin Neff, Ph.D., developer of self-compassion, can calm us—and perhaps others too.
While we can’t change others, we can exude caring out and into the world.understand alternate perspectives, and consider viewpoints beyond our own. But it’s almost as though we expect the other to do this, while we remain exempt.
We’re right, after all. If only “they” would see our point of view.—the old village square, water cooler, or community dance shared by all—and nary have reason to talk to those with differing opinions. As silos grow, we start imagining others as villains and rarely, if ever, consider our common humanity: they love their children as much as we do ours; they value safety, warmth, and comfort, just like we do; they can be kind to neighbors andJust breathe. Not just any breath. We can flip the script and breathe fresh, simple compassion. Kristen Neff, Ph.D., developed the concept and practice of self-compassion decades ago, and she offers a simple breath of kindness toward ourselves and others. Self-compassion is evidence-based and shown to improve well-being, This simple breath can be used anytime, connecting us to caring for ourselves as well as others. Here’s how:as you breathe in: “I’m doing the best I can.” “It’s OK.” “I’m connected to others even if I don’t always feel it.” Whatever you like that offers yourself kindness and understanding. You can imagine your lungs and body filling with a calm, softly imbued, healing color if you like.you can focus on someone else during your exhale. Someone you love, someone you can easily direct kindness toward. Breathe in directing compassion to yourself, breathe out directing compassion to the other. Slow and steady. Do this as long as you like. Even a few breaths like this can alter your sense of well-being and how you move in the world.out focusing on kindness and care just toward yourself, or use both in- and out-breaths directing kindness toward another. Any variation you like or need will do.so simple you’ll quickly become adept. And as you’re ready, you can direct kindness toward someone harder to love, someone you may have conflict with, or even someone you’ve never met. You might add affirmations again; this other is doing the best they can, they deserve kindness, they have fears and deserve peace too—whatever caring thoughts or feelings you can muster.. Then, Neff expanded the breathing technique to anyone. It helps us reap benefits of self-compassion for ourselves, of which there are so many, and helps decrease the corrosive burden of resentments or hostilities within. We connect, even for a moment, with our common humanity, moving the needle of understanding to help create the change we wish to see. Karen Bluth & Kristin D. Neff : New frontiers in understanding the benefits of self-compassion, Self and Identity, DOI: 10.1080/15298868.2018.1508494 Zessin U, Dickhäuser O, Garbade S. The Relationship Between Self-Compassion and Well-Being: A Meta-Analysis. Appl Psychol Health Well Being. 2015 Nov;7:340-64. doi: 10.1111/aphw.12051. Epub 2015 Aug 26. PMID: 26311196.Find a TherapistSelf Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted? Are you a narcissist? Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.
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