When we had lunch with John and Martha yesterday, my husband was sure something would be said to clear the air. Nothing was said.
My husband’s best friend of 18 years has a wife, “Martha,” who is bipolar. She self-medicates with THC. I’ve become uncomfortable being around her. My husband is supportive of my feelings, to a point. He doesn’t want to lose John’s friendship, which I totally understand.
Two weeks ago, Martha had asked me to come over. The minute John was out the door, Martha told me that her son was coming over and that it was not for John to know. Red flags! Minutes later, here came her son, drunk, with a bag full of pot for Martha. I was really uncomfortable because her drunk, stoned son scared me. I left my ex for this exact behavior.When we had lunch with John and Martha yesterday, my husband was sure something would be said to clear the air. Nothing was said. I can beg off from the four of us getting together only so often. Martha will tell John to ask my husband why I’m not answering the phone. I don’t want to be around this woman. I really need some words to tell my husband. Eighteen years is enough.Tell your husband that Martha’s behavior compromises your health, safety and comfort, and that you’re done. Crucially, this doesn’t necessitate a breakup between John and your husband. But navigating that is their responsibility, not yours. Next, talk to Martha – by phone or in person, whichever feels safer to you. Tell her that you feel uncomfortable when she puts you in positions like the most recent one. Tell her you’re concerned about her, and that you want to be able to support her if she wants to get help, but you can’t and won’t continue the friendship as is without change. It’s important that you communicate this with Martha rather than having it go through your husband and John, so they’re not wrapped up in trying to make excuses for Martha. Sometimes we obscure the solution to our problems by being overly polite. By being direct, you’re giving Martha the chance to make amends and, hopefully, work with a medical professional to update her care plan. You’re probably not the only one who is made uncomfortable by the group outings. Somebody has to say it for anything to change.If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation.and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our
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