The author writes to R. Eric Thomas asking for advice on how to handle their parents' seeming lack of interest in spending time with them. Despite maintaining regular phone calls and inviting them to family gatherings, the author's parents have recently declined several invitations to visit, citing conflicting schedules. This has left the author feeling hurt and confused, as their parents' phone demeanor suggests no issue exists.
In today's Asking Eric column, R. Eric Thomas responds to someone who is disappointed that their parents never make time to see them anymore.My wife and I have had a good relationship with them for more than 40 years and we talk by phone at least once a week. We’ve always made it a point to include them in our family gatherings so that they could see their grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
If one of them has an appointment, then the day before and after is off limits for a visit. We missed getting together with them during the holidays because we were out of town. However, when we returned, I mentioned getting together three times and my dad responded that he didn’t know his schedule and would get back to me.
They’ve communicated part of this by setting the boundary around appointment days, for instance. It may just take a lot out of them. So, it’s not a case of them choosing their appointments over you, but rather them negotiating the new realities of their lives.You can make this easier on them and on yourselves by adjusting your expectations. Take the example of your stepmother’s children.
FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS COMMUNICATION AGING PARENTS ADJUSTED EXPECTATIONS UNDERSTANDING
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