Advice from R. Eric Thomas.
Our 30-year-old son moved back in with us two years ago, unemployed and not seriously looking for employment. We insisted that he get a job. While he still goes to work every day, he hates this job and appears to be slipping into depression.
He sleeps a lot, barely communicates with us, has almost no social life and shows little interest in activities that he used to enjoy. He is bright but has a social anxiety disorder which makes him fearful of interviewing for jobs and speaking to a therapist. A few years ago, he agreed to see a therapist, which seemed to help, but after a brief time he quit going. Several times we have urged him to resume counseling, but he has refused. We have offered to pay the cost for him to complete his college education, attend a trade school or see a career counselor, but he has declined all offers. He is now planning to move into an apartment by himself. While it is possible that a change in his living situation might be good for him, we have concerns that the isolation of living alone with no social network will make his depression worse. Is there anything that we can do to help him, or do we just have to accept that he is now an adult who must make his own plans to deal with this situation?I empathize with your concern. It’s hard to feel so powerless, especially when you have such a willingness to offer help. Your son’s move is a healthy developmental step for him. It will likely challenge him in unexpected ways, and it could also help him in unexpected ways. While this is a road he needs to learn how to navigate on his own, you can support him by maintaining open communication with him about how things are going and how you can be of assistance. Before he moves, talk with him about your concerns, ask if he shares any of those concerns, and ask if he’d be willing to set up a system for checking in. Ask how often he’d be open to you visiting, if he’d be open to help unpacking, et cetera. You can give him space and respect his autonomy while still making sure he has a safety net.I don’t know if you can help me. I’m a 73-year-old divorced woman without children and no one to leave my good things to. I don’t want them all to wind up at Goodwill . Some of these things are really nice. Do you have any ideas?This is an opportunity to think about what kind of second life you’d like your belongings to have. Each item may have a different path, but by thinking about it in advance, you get to be specific and intentional. For instance, if you have art, ask yourself what’s the most good that art can do. Perhaps this means working with an appraiser or auction house to set up the sale of the art and directing the funds to a charity you support. Perhaps that means reaching out to friends and asking them if there are pieces that they would want. It’s going to take a little creativity and more communication. Similarly, with furniture. You may find an organization that matches people in need with household items, or a community center that would be delighted to have your well-cared for sofa.You might be surprised when you ask people or organizations, “what would help you the most?” It prompts them to think outside the box and might generate new ideas. Also, consider reaching out to a professional senior downsizer or someone accredited by the American Society of Appraisers. They likely have a long list of partner organizations and can help you think through your options.I am a 70-year-old woman. I am having difficulty knowing how to respond to store clerks who call me “honey” or “sweetie.” I am offended when they address me that way. It feels demeaning and disrespectful. What is the best way to respond when I experience this situation?Some of this may be regional or cultural. I grew up in an area where everyone was “hon,” for instance. This isn’t to say that you just have to accept it. But the offense may not be intended. If these interactions are short, one-time greetings, it may be best to choose your battles. If you’re never going to see this person again, there’s little to gain by correcting them. But if you see someone regularly, you might invite them to call you by your name instead.R. Eric Thomas writes the "Asking Eric" column for Tribune Content Agency. He previously wrote at Slate. Send your questions to eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.Dear Annie: What to do when your child becomes your landlord
United States Latest News, United States Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Asking Eric: I have become an unperson in my officeIt’s not just my age, because there’s an older woman who’s treated like a princess.
Read more »
Asking Eric: Coworkers constantly excluded older employeeJoe Nguyen is a digital strategist for The Denver Post. Previously he was the online prep sports editor. Prior to that, he covered Adams County and Aurora in the YourHub section. He has previously covered Colorado’s Asian-American communities as editor for Asian Avenue magazine and AsiaXpress.com.
Read more »
Asking Eric: My friend of several decades dropped the ball when I got a brain tumorAdvice from R. Eric Thomas.
Read more »
Asking Eric: I think her actions destroyed our friendship. Was I too harsh?I was so hurt by her abandonment, and then I got angry.
Read more »
Asking Eric: Friend drops the ball after brain tumor diagnosisJoe Nguyen is a digital strategist for The Denver Post. Previously he was the online prep sports editor. Prior to that, he covered Adams County and Aurora in the YourHub section. He has previously covered Colorado’s Asian-American communities as editor for Asian Avenue magazine and AsiaXpress.com.
Read more »
Stellantis Wants Fresh Ideas, So It’s Asking Kids To Design An SRT ModelThe winner will land a summer internship with the Ram and SRT design team, getting a real taste of how these cars come together
Read more »