Last week my actual best friend was in town; my casual friend sent me an email telling me how hurt she was that I was calling Kelly my best friend ...
DEAR ERIC: I have a friend I will call “Linda”. She is a very sweet, lovely friend, whom I have known for about five years. A few months ago, she had a party at her house, and she introduced me as her best friend. This surprised me, but I brushed it off.
I answered her questions, and she ended up sending me a three-page email about how hurt she was that I was calling Kelly my best friend when I hadn’t even mentioned her to her, and she was the one who was always “there” for me. I also always believed that if you were truly someone’s best friend, it was something you both agreed on. Once Linda and I moved on from our old workplace, I see her about once a month and talk on the phone maybe once a week/every couple of weeks.
My heart goes out to her a bit. She might be lonely; she might not have a lot of friends. But she’s responding with a scarcity mindset that’s making her possessive. Your other friendships, even with friends she doesn’t know about, shouldn’t affect the relationship you have.
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