This article suggests a simple way to improve communication in relationships: interrupting your partner at the beginning of serious conversations to ask if they want you to listen or help. The author, a psychotherapist, shares their personal experience of often misreading their partner's needs and how this question helped them avoid conflict.
I’ve been blogging for Psychology Today for almost five years, and this will be the shortest and most straightforward entry I’ve written. It’s as simple as this: The next time your partner starts any serious conversation with you, interrupt briefly at the beginning to ask, “Is this one of those times where you just want me to listen, or do you want my help with something?”
Imagining yourself as the speaker, you may think that your partner should know what you need without your having to ask for it. Many of you experienced the results of this particular bad idea last week as you opened a series ofyet again. The last time anyone successfully anticipated all of your unspoken wants and needs was in the birth canal, the moment before you were born. Then, you were born, and for the first time, you were challenged to express your needs to another person.
For the therapists reading this, I begin every consultation session with a potential new patient with these carefully chosen words: “How can I help?” I don’t ask, “What brings you here?” because that invites them to download every concern they have without thinking about which concerns they would like my help with.
Communication Relationships Conflict Resolution Listening Help
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