Advice from Amy Dickinson.
Talking in the morning, or any noise, smell, or stimulation really, isn’t just annoying but actually more akin to painful. It’s like nails on a chalkboard, or being pinched – it elicits an involuntary reaction of cringe and a desire to retreat.First thing in the morning she wants to tell me things, or worse – ask me things. At best, I can muster a “Good morning” and a grunt, but I don’t think she’s ever understood just how much restraint is required for anything other than a snarl.
It starts both our days off wrong, to the extent that I just stay in my room until she’s out of the house, no matter how much I need the bathroom, food or water. I’m lucky enough to not need to commute at the same time as her, so it slightly disrupts my day to get a late start, but logistically it’s manageable.The message of “it’s not you, it’s me” is not getting through – at all.
I agree that this is a simple boundary for others to recognize and respect. It would seem that your mother would also want to avoid unpleasant interactions in the morning, but she may be trying to change you or somehow “jolly” you out of a morning phase that you can’t successfully control.I’m in a quandary about what to do about a daughter I gave up for adoption many years ago.My husband and I have three other children who are doing well.
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