Letter writer is dating an old flame and wishes he didn’t need so much space when he’s upset.
Eight months ago, I ran into an old flame. We had a three-year relationship that ended 10 years ago. We did not stay in touch after our breakup, and we both moved on with other people for longer relationships.We each broke up with our partners in 2022 and reconnected afterward. We have been seeing each other regularly and talking or texting every day since then. It has been great! We have both matured. Our relationship is easygoing, fun and mutually respectful.
The first time, I knew he was upset, but without warning he did not contact me for five days. I was upset and annoyed by this. I asked him to be better at communicating with me when he feels this way. Should I say something to him, or should I give this more time, since he is doing what I asked him to do? How long is too long?Your guy is following your instructions, which tells you that he has some awareness of your needs and that he wants to please you. And while you asked him to check in “once a day,” he is checking in several times a day, and yet — his texts don’t contain the wording or content you would prefer.
Pay attention to the way he comes back to you. Will he choose to discuss the reasons behind his stress and withdrawal? Will he accept your commiseration and comfort? Or will he resurface and simply want to move on?Intimacy really does require that partners be honest about their vulnerabilities and needs. This is an essential component of the trust that intimate partners share.I live in a small college town and work at the college.
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