She is very rude and overbearing, but my family is not aware of how she has treated me or others.
How can I get her out of my life without becoming the bad person?DEAR BULLIED: My first suggestion is that you should never share a room with your sister. You’ve had a lifetime of negative experiences in that regard.As a chronically oppressed person, you also seem to be oppressing yourself, essentially following up on your sister’s bullying by treating it like a secret that must be kept. “Tattling” is what children worry about. Telling your own truth is adult business.
You have adopted the idea that a victim speaking out represents some sort of betrayal to the family system that created and supported this dynamic. If you can’t bring yourself to confront your sister, then you should at the very least limit contact with her. Refusing to share a room with her on family vacations would be a start.
If she asks why, you can tell her that you’re simply tired of tolerating a family dynamic that you can’t seem to change. It’s time for you to take better care of yourself.DEAR AMY: I am so proud of “Judgmental Teenager” for recognizing what’s coming naturally to her and seeking help to change it.I still fight my nature to judge on a daily basis, but that recognition is the first step.
The thoughts may never stop coming, but when you’re aware of what you’re doing, you can work to re-frame your thoughts, and you can certainly choose not to vocalize them to others.DEAR WORKING: I was impressed by both this teenager’s awareness and her motivation to change.
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