This humorous piece describes the narrator's intense and peculiar desire to eat ants, no matter where they are found. The narrator playfully compares their compulsion to a divine mission and explores the ways in which this singular focus would permeate every aspect of their life.
That’s right, you guessed it, I’m gonna eat a shit ton more ants. I’m gonna eat them off a tree. I’m gonna eat them off a coconut. I’m gonna eat them off one of those classy, slanted desks from an antiques shop. I’m gonna eat them off a globe, off a paperweight, off a ship in a bottle. I’m gonna eat so many ants, you would think it’s what I’ve been put on Earth to do, just Hoover up ants like the weirdest thing in the world. It’s like God was like, “Well, I think I overdid it with the ants.
” If you were in charge of designing personal checks with all kinds of faint backgrounds, you might have a reflective moment, thinking, “This is a great cloudscape I’ve created, but I wouldn’t want to live there, because there probably wouldn’t be any ants.” You’d be on the phone with your mom and you’d be like, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure, I’m fine. I’m fine.
ANT-EATING OBSESSION HUMOR COMEDY FOOD
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