Is your relationship with your mother-in-law sometimes cold or strained? Understanding the hidden biology at play could help.
An evolutionary perspective suggests that genetic explanations are as useful in understanding in-law relationships as family relationships.In the interpersonal realm, issues such as love and respect have greater explanatory power than an evolutionary perspective allows.
In the presence of our in-laws, conflict often arises from the tiniest issue. Our mother-in-law compliments or corrects a child, and we want to scream. Our daughter-in-law declines our offer to help her prepare the dinner, and we feel rejected. Since showing our irritation or hurt is bound to make things worse, we bottle ourAn evolutionary perspective explains our"irrationality"
This research was presented in the popular press as showing that in-law tensions are “all in the genes.” What the researchers in fact say is that “affinal” or relationships formed byare likely to have a genetic component, just as they do between those who share a pot of genetic material. What interests me here is how compelling many find the genetic explanation for in-law conflict.
In my work on family dynamics, I also show that the investment parents have in a child creates complications between in-laws. The psychology of parental investment has undoubtedly emerged from the genetic imperative to put one’s children first, but this knowledge is not helpful. However, two key concepts do help with in-law conflict: love and respect. Only in understanding the power of our need for love and respect can improve in-law relationships.
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