Kelsey Borresen is a freelance writer. Previously she was a senior reporter at HuffPost Life, covering love, sex and relationships. She is a graduate of the University of Southern California's Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism and lives in Los Angeles.
In a deeply divided country, journalism is a safeguard. Members make it possible to question authority, investigate impact, and protect democratic accountability beyond the headlines.is over, does your partner just roll over, reach for their phone and zone out? Maybe they doze off right away while you lie there, wide awake, looking for connection.
Perhaps they’re the kind of person who finishes, gathers their things and heads straight for the door. If any of this sounds familiar, you could probably use some aftercare in your sex life., aftercare is a post-play ritual in which partners exchange physical or emotional comfort following an intense sexual experience. And it’s high time we make it a standard part of vanilla sex, too.Aftercare might involve offering your partner a snack or something to drink, cuddling with them, giving them a compliment, having a good conversation, watching a movie or tending to any minor injuries sustained during the BDSM “scene” . You might also talk about what you each enjoyed —“Taking care of someone after this is an act of protection and care, helping them ease back into normal consciousness,” he said. Even folks who engage in regular ol’ vanilla sex can benefit from the soothing, grounding feelings of tenderness and affection that aftercare provides. “Aftercare is definitely not just for BDSM scenes or sex,” Play said. “It’s also something that should be done in casual sex, in my opinion.”“Post-sex, people are often flooded with intense emotions and neurochemicals like oxytocin,” Play said. “Showing someone love during this time ensures that they feel safe to get vulnerable with you — or someone else — again, and protects their heart. If you want to bond with someone, this is the time to do it.”Aftercare isn’t just for people in committed relationships . Even if you’re in a “While it may seem odd to engage in aftercare with someone you’re not seriously dating, it’s still important,” sexologist. “It’s not about making someone fall in love with you or trying to make a more serious relationship out of something casual. It’s about making sure everyone is cared for with respect and tenderness so that they can leave a sexual experience feeling good about themselves.”, a retired professional dominatrix turned lifestyle coach, said that practicing aftercare can make all sexual experiences more fulfilling and connected. “Thoughtful aftercare Q&A, cuddling or taking a walk together afterward can help to create a deeper connection,” she said. “Nonverbal actions such as bringing your lover a glass of water, running a bath, or even rubbing one another’s feet can inspire more open aftercare discussions.” Another benefit of these comforting post-coital rituals: They can help alleviate any feelings of sex-related shame that may arise. A sexual experience that ends too abruptly can exacerbate these negative feelings and leave some people feeling “used.”. “It is, of course, not, but nonetheless, being cared for in some way afterward often mitigates those feelings of shame.”you get down to business, Brooke said. If you’re a little apprehensive about being so upfront about your needs, know that it’s normal to feel that way. But having these honest conversations ahead of time is worth it. “It’s difficult to guess correctly or read minds, especially when we are in the heat of the moment,” Brooke said. “At the end of an encounter, we are usually left to our own thoughts and interpretations of what went down. When we have some information going in on how to return safely back to normal, everyone wins.”Realness delivered to your inbox By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our
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