Advice: Parent of the groom is still “irrationally, incandescently furious” at a sister and brother-in-law who left wedding early.
My son was extremely upset, though later he said — through slightly gritted teeth — that he was over it. I said to him that I know my sister, her husband and her boys have had a tough time lately. Plus my brother-in-law doesn’t always understand the emotional connotations of what he says and is hopeless at time management. My sister was enjoying herself hugely, and said she wished they could have stayed.There’s no way to change what has happened, and no amends or salvage to be made.
My problem is that I am still, irrationally, incandescently furious with my sister and brother-in-law on behalf of my son. I always find avoidable but irreversible losses disproportionately upsetting and the hardest to process. I’m not sure I trust myself to keep silent to my sister and brother-in-law forever about something that really hurt my son.
This is a hurt of failing to anticipate what your son might have felt, yes. For perspective, consider they may have felt “hurt,” too, that he/you booked a life event three hours away on a school night despite full awareness of their young teenage kids.You also don’t know why they left early — or that it was “avoidable” — because “homework” could have been a botched excuse.
Or they just made a shortsighted choice for reasons that seemed legitimate at the time, but now in retrospect would seem silly even to them. You’ve never been possessed by a thought that seemed urgent in the moment, and that only a few days later was clearly not the big deal you had thought? Again, or they had something bigger going on and they handled it internally the best they could and their handling wasn’t that great. Or maybe it was great they attended at all — you just don’t know. Maybe one of the boys is struggling and their departure was to preempt a crisis.Regardless: They came; they celebrated your boy. They maybe dropped the ball.
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