A letter writer's mother told her about being abused by family when she was a child. Now, the writer's mother wants her to continue to have contact with those family members.
It makes sense that you and your sister need time to process this new and devastating information. Remember that while this is new to you, it’s not new to your mom. Regardless of whether you agree with or support how she engages with your family members, you have to trust and accept that she is doing what is best for her.It’s okay if your needs are different than hers right now. You aren’t obligated to spend time with your family just because your mom wants you to.
You’ll want to consider how you want to set boundaries — if any — with your family. Be honest with your mom about how this is impacting you and your view of certain family members. For example, ask your mom for support in avoiding family gatherings, if you need time to assess how you want to move forward.you can still be affected and need support. Remember that loving someone does not mean swallowing your own needs to make them comfortable or happy.
Taking care of yourself may also look like reevaluating and setting new boundaries with your mom. Do you only ever talk about this now? Or, alternatively, did your mom share the news and then refuse to discuss it again? Exploring how to address this news while also not letting it overwhelm your whole life is key to finding healthy ways to move forward as a family.
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