This poignant reflection explores the complex relationship between a daughter and her mother, who suffered from loneliness and mental health issues. The author reveals the deep wounds that fueled the mother's emotional outbursts and ultimately shaped their bond.
When my mom died of heart disease at age 74, in 2018, my strongest memories were about our troubled relationship. She was a mother of three, divorced and struggled with mental health issues most of her adult life. She was also lonely, and I failed to recognize that when I was younger. This Christmas, I found myself recalling things my mother loved.
She took delight in jewelry, always sharing her latest find, whether it was a ring reset with precious stones or a rocking deal on earrings at Goodwill. Her jewelry boxes and chest with long pull-out sliders had stacks upon stacks of necklaces and bracelets. As I grew up, though, I noticed a cloud that grew darker around my mom. By the time I was an adult living away from my divorced parents, the holidays became a battle. My mom demanded emotional and physical attention. Each year, she cried and yelled at me, saying I planned to spend more time with my dad than her during the holidays. She counted — down to the hour — how much time she had with me. What I did or how much time I spent with her was never enough.I now understand how the guilt-trips that scarred our relationship came from a much deeper place in her heart — a long-buried wound that hadn’t healed. Her father passed when she was a young teenager, and her mother worked the night shift at a diner in Milwaukee. As a young person, my mom was alone most of the time. As an adult she had major episodes of depression, and we all bore the brunt of her suffering. The pleasant times were later muted by her wicked tongue or by days of self-confinement in a bedroom. She felt lonely, in her marriage, and after she and my father divorced. My mother had chronic pain of an unknown origin in the last decade of her life. Her companions were cigarettes, painkillers and the television. She had more doctor appointments than outings with the few friends she had. For most of each day she lied in bed or on the couch, trapped by pain. She stopped traveling, even to visit m
Mother Daughter Mental Health Loneliness Grief
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