'I used to think the whole Daddy thing was weird. Then a girl said it to me in bed, and I understood immediately.'
For those who are unfamiliar, BDSM stands for a combination of Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism. People who engage in BDSM often engage in acts like bondage, role play, dom/sub relationships, and/or pain play.
According toPeople had A LOT to say, and their comments ranged from informative to shocking. Here are some of the interesting replies:"People don't realize that asexual people engage in BDSM. Everyone on the outside thinks it's all about sex, when it usually isn't." "People tend to think kinks are static, when in reality they can be VERY fluid. I was advised to think of it like having food preferences. You start off with the food you eat everyday, then decide to try something new. Then you want to try more of it. You enjoy it for years maybe. One day, you decide it's gotten boring and you switch to another cuisine and come back to your normal cuisine later. Or maybe you even incorporate the other cuisines. This is the advice given to me when I was new." "People don't know how expensive some of this stuff is. Leather and latex is one part an outfit kink and one part getting off to being able to spend that kind of money on sex clothes.""I've heard the argument that BDSM is misogynistic by nature and caters to male domination fantasies. That completely falls apart when you remember that lesbians exist, and some of them practice BDSM." "The sub absolutely, unequivocally, entirely sets their boundaries and their limits, and you respect them. They are giving you permission to act within a mostly clearly defined space. Doms can do a lot within those parameters, but they must respect the limits." "Submission isn't really given, it's more earned. A sub is not going to sub just because you tell her to call you Daddy." "I used to think the whole Daddy thing was weird. Then a girl said it to me in bed, and I understood immediately." "BDSM doesn’t have to extend outside the bedroom. A couple can have a perfectly normal public dynamic while enjoying dominance/submission in the bedroom." "It's basically impossible to get into a dom/sub mindset immediately if you're new to it. Even experienced people take time to adjust. The rough play you see in media needs a certain mindset to get into, and there's a lot of time taken to ease into it. And even after you feel ready, there's a lengthy discussion on how the scene will look, what aspects need to be adjusted, etc." "People think BDSM is chaotic or dangerous. In reality, it usually involves more rules, boundaries, and discussions than 'vanilla' relationships." "Snuggles after. While cuddling is important after any intimacy, I feel like it is even more important after being rough with each other." "Aftercare should be negotiated just like every other aspect of the relationship. If one partner needs aftercare, then both partners should figure out how to make that happen, but cuddling is 100% not required. No physical affection is ever mandatory. Doms are not abusive for not offering aftercare, but they should make it known before they play if that’s not something they can offer." "One of the events I want to emphasize is using safe words in addition to subs. She said she's used a safe word a few times when she realized the sub was under the influence, asking for too much, and once just to remind a specific sub that the dom can use safewords too." "As a dom, I have ended scenes because the sub's needs, wants, or desires did not align with mine. They wanted scenes I could not provide — particularly age-play. Either party has the ability to end a scene." And finally,"Oftentimes, a role play scene devolves into uproarious giggle fits. I had a friend with benefits who really wanted to try a consensual non-consent setup. After a lengthy and involved discussion of what she wanted and what her hard no's and soft no's would be, the night finally arrived. I was supposed to act like I was delivering pizza to her condo and then burst through the door. I pinned her to the wall by her throat, and she just burst into giggles."If you partake in BDSM, what do you think people should know about it? Share your story in the comments or the anonymous form below!
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