'If a parent does this, that can show that they might be neglectful of their child's needs at times.'
I’m an award-winning writer and editor living in New York City, where I currently work at BuzzFeed as the Senior Lifestyle Editor. Teachers meet a lot of kids and parents throughout their profession, so it makes a lot of sense that they can pick up on little behaviors and habits that may indicate something deeper is going on.
So when we,"What are the automatic tell-tale signs that a parent or kid's behavior exhibits 'red flags' parenting styles?" so many teachers submitted their answers below:"One of the hardest parts of being a teacher is watching students get pushed into honors or AP classes they’re not ready for, all because of pressure from their families or cultural expectations. I see students who would absolutely thrive in regular classes — earning A’s, building confidence, and truly learning — get overloaded with three or four APs just for the weighted GPA or to meet a cultural standard of success, like getting into a school such as Rutgers. It’s not that these students aren’t capable or hardworking — they are — but they end up floundering under the weight of unrealistic expectations, and sometimes, they start to believe they’re not good enough. It’s heartbreaking to watch because if they were in the right academic setting, they’d be shining.""For me, it’s definitely when the first conversation revolves around how bad/disappointing/unsupportive their previous schools were, especially when you have a family that’s moved schools a lot for no logical reason. They’re always going to find fault with you, and it’s never going to be their child’s own issues or failures. I just try to be overly communicative so they know I’m on their side and want their child to succeed!""Most of the time, I don't see a red flag with kids right off. I teach high school. Kids are pretty good at behaving at the beginning when they get to me. But my parent night is usually about two weeks in, and though it's poorly attended , when a parent attends and then spends the entire time talking about themselves, I know that kid might have issues. The kids of these parents tend to either act out or never participate and try to hide themselves away. It's sad." "When the parents are well kept up, nice clothes, new mani/pedi, all the latest tech, and their student is in unkept clothes, smells, arrives dirty, asks for food/snacks, etc.""If their kid can do no wrong. Look, children require boundaries and high expectations. Inevitably, when they don’t meet them because, ya know, they’re kids, that’s a coaching opportunity, not a moment to chide the rest of the world because your child is perfect. Learn this as a parent and your kid will be much more well-rounded. I always cringe when I have a convo with a parent who thinks their child is always right. Yikes.""When a student is helpful in a way that anticipates my needs, and they are overly responsible for their age. I worry that they are being parentified and/or live with at least one narcissistic parent/guardian.""When I was teaching and then again as an elementary principal, there were times that I would bring parents in to talk about a student’s misbehavior. The parent would listen, then say they had talked to the student about the incident and denied everything. 'My son doesn’t lie to me, so I know it’s true.' I would think to myself that I now had a better understanding of the home dynamics and maybe understand better why behavior is what it is.""When the parent always blames their spouse, divorced or not. This leads to the student not taking responsibility for his or her actions, as this behavior is picked up.""There may be trouble in a home if a parent is not helping their child get to school and is letting them go without showering or brushing their teeth. Seeing those things gives me concern, and not even in a judgmental way, more like a 'how can I help' sort of way. I always make contact with the home immediately, either by calling or emailing, to set up a time to meet. I’ve had only two mandated report situations come from this. Most of the time, it’s a single parent who is overwhelmed, or is working multiple jobs, and not with their child in the morning. If teachers can approach these things with a team mindset, then usually, the parent opens up, and we can work together the fix the problem. I frequently say that there are very few parents who simply do not care about their child, but a lot of parents who are overwhelmed to the point of inability to care for themselves and their child. It’s sad!""Attendance, I can understand, and hygiene, but do keep in mind that a lot of children who are not neurotypical don't like bathing or changing out of clothes. My one son is like this, and it's because he hates his face and head getting wet. So he only gets a bath every three to four days. And the same with clothing. He wants to wear the same Mickey shirt for as long as I would allow. Usually, I'll let him wear it for three days if it's not super dirty. It's not that we don't care about our kids. In fact, it's the opposite. We care about them a lot that we know what makes them happy and comfortable and are also very overwhelmed that sometimes we let things go because it just makes life easier for everyone and unless it's super dirty, ratty or full of holes, what's the big deal about a shirt being worn three times or so in a row. Does he have maybe two or every shirt if I can afford it, so when we wear it the same every day to an activity we are involved in, we can hopefully prevent someone from contacting CPS." "You can tell a wild amount by how a child behaves in the classroom. The biggest thing I've noticed over the last 11 years of teaching is how kids don't seem to know how to have a conversation. They yell over other people, interrupt, can't follow a thread to its logical conclusion, and their vocabulary is mostly brain rot and foul language. These kids are not being spoken to at home. Nobody asks them about their day. They don't have regular interactions with people where they have to take turns. This has become increasingly common . I know which kids are iPad-raised and only talk online and which are not based on how they behave in a conversation.""When their child is running around, into objects, or throwing toys around, and no attempt by the parent is made to get them to calm down or clean up. Immediate flag for me. It is usually an indicator of passive parenting ." "When students tell me stuff like, 'I got mad and threw my controller at my TV AGAIN, but it's okay because my parents bought me a new one.' This screams entitlement, and tells me that the parent would rather give in to their child's ridiculous behavior than to do anything to curtail it or provide any sort of disciplinary actions.""If a parent is on their phone or really just not paying attention during a meeting, that can show that they might be neglectful of their child's needs at times.""I’m an 8th-grade math teacher. I had a student three years ago who, whenever we’d give an assignment, would walk out of class. Before giving write-ups for leaving without permission, my co-teacher and I attempted to talk to her to find out what the issue was, because surely, maybe she was intimidated by the work, or had anxiety about the class. No, it turns out she flat out 'wasn’t feeling it.' After speaking with her other teachers, she did this in every class. Never did one assignment and would text her mom under the desk that we were harassing her and then would just walk out.""We called her parents for a meeting along with the administration because there had to be a disconnect. Her parents brought two advocates and a lawyer with them. They said we were handing them the biggest First Amendment case they’d ever seen, because we can’t force someone to do something against their will or 'imprison a child' in a classroom to learn something they don’t want to. So, the Pythagorean Theorem violates the First Amendment? We were told we were also violating ADA because the teen had anxiety, and by assigning her work on Google Classroom, we were triggering and, therefore, shaming her for her anxiety by assigning a zero for work refusal. I asked what I should do to solve the problem. The mom's answer, 'She’s smart. She should have a 100.' I asked how that is fair to the child in the same class who struggles and works hard every day to achieve a 75, but I should give her daughter a 100 for zero work production and refusing to even stay in class? She wasn’t asking for even extended time, she wanted ZERO work requirement and NO attendance requirement. I said, 'Yeah, I’m not doing that. And I’ll be fired before I give a baseless accommodation.' She failed and went to summer school. There was no court case. I’ve been teaching for 16 years, and I could write a trilogy of stories from what I’ve seen and heard."Teachers, is there a parenting"red flag" you noticed right away when meeting a parent or a kid for the first time? Let us know what it is in the comments or anonymously in the Google Form below.
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