A woman is struggling with her husband's inability to keep her private health information confidential, leading to significant embarrassment and a breach of trust in their 26-year marriage. Despite repeated conversations, he continues to share personal details with others, even accessing her mail to glean sensitive medical news. An advisor emphasizes that this is not a matter of friendliness but a serious issue of respect and boundary-setting.
I love your advice and the fact you’re able to cut to the chase. I find myself in need of your level head, too! I’ve been happily married for 26 years. My husband is very gregarious and never met a stranger. In fact, he happily opens up his life to anyone and everyone. I feel like he constantly overshares, but as long as he keeps it to his own information, that’s fine. However, he doesn’t keep my information private, especially my health information.
A few years ago, I had a cancer scare and chose not to tell even my adult children until I knew for sure. He told his co-workers, his side of the family, our friends — all before I knew what my test results were. Everyone thought I had cancer, so I eventually had to explain that no, I didn’t. I also had surgery a couple years ago and wanted to keep it private, but I started getting messages like, “I’m so sorry you have to have a hysterectomy. What happened?” I have a very public job in a small community. Most people know me. It’s highly embarrassing when I have to step in the spotlight, knowing that all these people know my personal, private information.
I’ve talked to him over and over about this. He always apologizes and says he “forgot” that I prefer to keep things private. I even tried keeping my health information away from him — my own husband — so he couldn’t share it. But he also opens my mail and sees my bills and test results before I do. There is no “hiding” anything from him.
Your husband’s friendliness shouldn’t be confused with what’s happening here — breaching trust. Medical information is yours to share, not his to broadcast. You’ve already explained your wishes. Now’s the time for firmer boundaries. Tell him plainly that sharing your private information is unacceptable and that “forgetting” is no longer an excuse. This is about respect. If he still doesn’t get the message, protect your privacy in practical ways, like having mail sent electronically or asking your doctors not to share information with anyone but you.
A good marriage includes trust and discretion. He doesn’t need to stop being outgoing. He just needs to learn that your life is not his story to tell.
I’m retired, married and have been a longtime crossdresser. My wife’s aware of my little hobby, and although she doesn’t want to participate in it with me, she’s OK with me dressing when she’s not around. This worked great up until last year when she retired. Now I have very little time to express myself, and it’s very frustrating. When she worked, I would go to local malls, grocery stores, etc., dressed as a woman. I’m very passable and have never had any issues. I’d love it if my wife could accept me more in my feminine role. I know other crossdressers with wives that are fully supportive. Any ideas that might help?
Your wife has accepted this part of you in a limited way, but retirement changed your rhythm. What worked before no longer fits, and it’s time for an honest, gentle conversation — not about pushing her to participate, but about making room for you to still be yourself. Tell her what this means to you. It may be less about the clothes and more about how you feel when you’re in them. Then listen just as carefully to what feels comfortable — and uncomfortable — for her. Compromise might mean setting aside agreed-upon time or space to dress, or finding ways you can still go out occasionally like you used to without straining the relationship. If you find yourselves stuck, a couples counselor can help you work through it together.
Annie Lane offers common-sense solutions to everyday problems. She's firm, funny and sympathetic, echoing the style of her biggest inspiration, Ann Landers. She lives outside Manhattan with her husband, two kids and two dogs. When not writing, she devotes her time to play dates and Play-Doh. Write her: dearannie@creators.com
Anchorage police identify suspect involved in officer-involved gunfire incident
Marital Trust Privacy Oversharing Boundaries Health Information
United States Latest News, United States Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Husband of American woman missing in Bahamas leaves islands, attorney saysLynette Hooker has been missing since the evening of April 4.
Read more »
Husband of American Woman Lost at Sea Abandons SearchLynette Hooker went missing on April 4 after apparently falling from an 8‑foot dinghy in rough waters.
Read more »
Husband of woman found dead in freezer arrested overseas after months-long FBI manhuntDavid Varela, 38, was apprehended after being on the run for more than two months.
Read more »
Russian Attack Drone Breaches NATO AirspaceRomania has said that a Russian drone breached its airspace near its border with Ukraine.
Read more »
Woman shot, killed by ex-husband in Franklin County home: state policeOne person has been flown to a hospital for treatment after a reported shooting Friday morning in Franklin County, according to dispatch.
Read more »
This Week’s Sex Story: A Woman Gets Kinky With Her HusbandEvery week, The Cut’s ‘Sex Diaries’ column features a new sex and dating story from an anonymous city dweller. This week, a 44-year-old academic and mom enjoys kinky sex with her husband and meets up with a former crush on a family vacation.
Read more »