Kelsey Borresen is a freelance writer. Previously she was a senior reporter at HuffPost Life, covering love, sex and relationships. She is a graduate of the University of Southern California's Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism and lives in Los Angeles.
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Join our membership program today. It’s not surprising if your cheeks turn red when you realize your fly was down during a work presentation. Or that your stomach drops when you accidentally “like” your crush’s years-old Instagram photo.
But there are plenty of day-to-day moments that feel really embarrassing for less discernible reasons — and it’s a Commonly cited examples include things like people singing “Happy Birthday” to you, carrying a lunch tray, crossing the street while stopped cars wait, or someone holding the door open for you when you’re still far away and having to jog up.
“The self-consciousness might arise because we are the center of others’ attention, like having ‘Happy Birthday’ sung to us or having someone hold the door for us,” she told HuffPost. “Or it might arise because we are intensely focused on our own actions ― and possibly trying to avoid an embarrassing scene where we will become the center of others’ attention ― like carrying a lunch tray or making a plate at a party.
” Feeling self-conscious leads to self-conscious emotions, “which can include guilt, shame, pride, or, as it relates to the examples here, embarrassment,” she added. We asked people to share the normal situations in their own lives that they find embarrassing — and, boy, are they relatable. Read their responses below.
“If no one’s around, I’m completely fine. But the moment there’s an audience, I feel like I lose my ability to maneuver. I’m suddenly 10 times more likely to mess it up. This happens a lot during school pickup when all the other parents are already parked and waiting.
” —“Like, what am I even doing? I guess I’ll bend this way and pretend that’s a good stretch. Wait, now I can’t think of any more stretches … so I guess I’ll just pretend to do that first one again! ” —“When I see a pair of kicks that I’d like to try on, I instantly feel a little warm.
Right off the top, I don’t need you tying them for me. Hand me the box and walk away, please. I just want to look at them privately and have a little moment with them to introduce ourselves. As if that isn’t bad enough, then you’ve got to put them on and walk around in them.
Do laps in the store. Do some little hops. Pretend a bad guy is chasing you and decide if they will stay on in the heat of the chase, etc.” — “First of all, why do I always walk into it like the floor is wet?
But the entire TSA process always feels at least a little humiliating to me, especially when I get scolded by a agent because I didn’t know some rule that is particular to their specific airport. We all go through this. Why does any of it feel embarrassing? ”“I love taking care of my yard, but I swear it feels like people are judging me as they drive by.
One time, a man actually stopped his car to make fun of the way I was raking instead of using a leaf blower, and now I can’t help but think of my front yard as a stage where everyone is watching and waiting for me to fail. ” —My wife and family know to not request this because I will get up and go to the restroom or outside.
I think it’s because I know these people do not know me and they’re only doing it because they have to. And that doesn’t sit well with me. ” —“I feel this pressure to look excited and grateful enough so that it isn’t awkward. I’m not great at expressing my emotions naturally, so I end up exaggerating my reactions just to make sure no one thinks I’m disappointed or bored.
”“It’s like, ‘Oh, hi everyone! Just watch as my car and I become idiots together! ’ I’m either bouncing all crazy or, if I’m going slow, slow-motion swaying from left to right as I clear the bump. So lame.
”“Everyone around you is thinking about how you’re deathly ill and how dare you come out in public in this condition?! They’re certainly not just living their lives and barely noticing patient zero over here, right? Nah, they’re noticing and wondering what new plague you have in your system. At least, that’s how it feels.
Somehow I never notice anyone else coughing a lot. ” —I’ll be sitting there enjoying a meal with friends or family, and then suddenly I have to get up as normally as I can. I try not to bump into anything or draw attention to myself, but it’s hard not to feel self-conscious.
Then navigating between tables and squeezing past people just adds to the discomfort. ” —“I know it’s literally their job, but tasking a stranger to help me find a specific book feels oddly personal. Especially if it’s something spicy or self-help-related. I have absolutely left a bookstore instead of confessing to my latest hyper-fixation out loud.
” —“I recently had a barista list my food and coffee order the moment I stepped up to the counter before I said a single word, and my immediate impulse was that I needed to avoid that place for a while. I don’t know why it feels embarrassing rather than convenient and complimentary that an employee of a coffee shop I obviously like would remember me and my preferences. ” —“Like, when do I pause?
Do I wait for them to verbally acknowledge they hear me? Oh no, there’s a letter! What word should I use to tell them what letter it is? Oops, I used a lame word!
” —“Sure, it’s layover trauma from Mrs. Frechette having us take turns reading a paragraph in fourth grade. In retrospect, no one was hearing the words. We were all just staring at the last sentence the kid before us had to read, which triggered the next person’s turn. Anyway, any time I read as an adult and trip over one word, even though I’m with adults or kids who don’t care, I’m suddenly back in high school again.
” —Next time you feel flush when you’re in one of these situations? Follow this advice from Hendriksen:“For example, when carrying a lunch tray, focus on where you’re headed or on scanning for an open seat,” she continued.
“When you’re the birthday celebrant, focus on the people singing to you or listening to the sounds of the song. Focusing on the task at hand can help you shrink your degree of self-focus and, by extension, self-consciousness.
”If You Are Always Trying To Prove You Are A Good Person, You Might Be Experiencing This Overlooked Type Of OCDBy entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our
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