A personal account of a beauty journalist's struggle with dermatillomania, a mental health condition characterized by compulsive skin-picking. The author shares their experiences, triggers, and the impact of the habit on their self-confidence and career.
It starts with an intense urge to get to a mirror of 12x magnification. I give my skin the once-over, assessing each pore to find what needs to be 'fixed'.
Then I can start squeezing, scratching and picking at any imperfection I find. I'm creating big, bloody craters in my skin, but in my trance-like state, despite the pain, I can feel my heart rate slowing and my anxiety easing. After 'fixing' every problem, I'm left with deep wounds all over my face that will take weeks to heal fully and a huge sense of relief that quickly turns to disappointment in myself.
I don't know what triggered the compulsion to pick at my skin, but I remember it starting when I was 14. Like most teens, I suffered from oily skin and spots I attempted to cure with harsh scrubs and astringent toners. Huge, painful lumps filled with pus would form under my skin and, with squeezing and prodding, they'd eventually explode. But without a proper skincare routine or professional help, it's no wonder my complexion never cleared.
And so the squeezing continued. Emma North's skin is now a lot better than it was, but she says she still has the urge to scratch until it bleeds. Now, aged 34, my skin is a lot better, but the urge to scratch hasn't left me. I recently learned that this compulsion is classed as a mental health condition, dermatillomania, also known as skin-picking disorder or excoriation disorder.
Psychologically, dermatillomania shares many of the same mechanisms seen in obsessive-compulsive disorder. Many people occasionally pick or pop spots. But, with dermatillomania, the behaviour becomes much harder to control. It tends to happen repeatedly, often against a person's intentions.
The main physical risks of dermatillomania are infection and scarring. For me, a skincare routine involving a gentle cleanser, azelaic acid, retinoid and SPF50 has helped my skin to look more even and smooth, despite persistent scars. Although I'll never be cured of my urge to pick, it is something I can manage. As long as a magnifying mirror isn't within reach
Dermatillomania Skin-Picking Disorder Excoriation Disorder Mental Health Condition Beauty Journalist Skin-Picking Habit Triggers Impact On Career Skin-Picking Disorder Mental Health Condition Beauty Journalist Skin-Picking Habit Triggers Impact On Career
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