Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2020

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2020
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You’ll finally get into shape this week, though which one exactly, isn’t clear yEveryone enjoys a good party, but try to control your childlike glee now that you’re finally 10 years old.Try to break your habit of turning to anonymous sources for general advice on your problems.You’ll confront your problems head-on this Thursday, which is rather unfortunate, as your problems involve a mountain goat.

Remember to take things one day at a time this week, even if you have the ability to exist outside of time.Lately it seems all your imaginary friends just want to sit around all day and watch television.Your plans for the weekend seem simple enough, but they present a challenge when you realize you have no idea how to “get some girls.”Clear and direct communication is key to a successful marriage. Try ending all of your domestic exchanges with “Roger that, good buddy.

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