Marie Holmes is the parenting reporter at HuffPost. Her work has appeared in Scary Mommy, Good Housekeeping, Cosmopolitan, The Washington Post and other publications. She lives with her wife and their two children in New York City.
, author Gary Chapman’s categorization of the ways a person prefers to receive love: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time or physical touch. Understanding your partner’s love language can help you show them that you love and care for them in the way that will most resonate for them. It may also help you see instances when a partner is trying to show you love, but you aren’t feeling it because they aren’t “speaking” your language.
“Now that you are aware, you actually don’t take it personally and you can actually respond more effectively,” Shetty said.For example, he explained, when he and his wife have a conflict, and he, the venter, wants to talk about it now while she, the hider, wants to wait two days, “we meet somewhere in the middle.”
“The analyzer is going to respond by saying, ‘The way I did it makes way more sense. And if you don’t want to do it this way, that’s irrational,’” she continued. “It’s like helping to translate what this person’s been saying this whole time is important to them, or helps them feel understood or the resolution that they’ve been seeking out with you that you just haven’t even been catching at all because it wasn’t in a fight language that you understood,” she explained.
Then, Martin said, “there are people who need to problem-solve immediately. They want to fix it.” These could be a “venter” or a “negotiator.” This behavior can be tricky if the other person feels like they are trying to “fix” their feelings or make those feelings go away rather than addressing them. The problem-solver may also need reassurance that leaving a conflict unresolved doesn’t spell the end of the relationship.Finally, Martin said, some people’s style is aggressive.
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