'She genuinely didn’t know why she couldn’t control herself. And she hated what she’d done. Worse, she was starting to hate herself.'
. I was tired. Exhausted really. Keeping up with her antics, energy, disorganization, aggression — it was parenting overdrive. It was so easy to get annoyed, to yell, to be frustrated. Then I wondered, instead, ifThe next time she did something wrong, I greeted it with laughter. Late for school again, forgot her homework, room a mess, won’t go to sleep, won’t sit down to eat — really, none of it is the end of the world.
If all they ever see are your mistakes, would you give up? Imagine instead, if all day long, they find what you are doing right. And they tell you how wonderful you are. It would feel great. And, it would inspire you to try to be wonderful tomorrow, too. When you praise your child, it creates dopamine — the neurotransmitter his or her brain lacks, which causes the ADHD symptoms — and the dopamine helps to better control behavior. So he or she can do more wonderful tomorrow.
I spent my daughter’s middle school and teen years undoing the harm my earlier frustration and disappointment wreaked on her by slathering her with unconditional love, humor, and praise. She is 21 now, pre-vet in college, and a funny, kind soul who can advocate and care for herself. I like her a lot. And, thankfully, she likes herself, too.Merriam Sarcia Saunders, LMFT is a psychotherapist specializing in ADHD and author of the children’s book,.
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