Comrades, your El Presidente reviews WWE SmackDown from Columbia, where Trick Williams celebrated, Gunther earned his title shot, and Cody sent a message!
Comrades, your El Presidente reviews WWE SmackDown from Columbia, where Trick Williams celebrated, Gunther earned his title shot, and Cody sent a message! Comrades, WWE SmackDown in Columbia saw Trick Williams whip The Miz, with Lil Yachty aiding the people’s champion.
Gunther crushed Royce Keys to claim Cody Rhodes’ title clash, then ate Cross Rhodes in SmackDown’s final warning. Paige and Brie Bella won, while Jade Cargill ignited trouble with Charlotte Flair and Alexa Bliss like a palace coup. Carmelo Hayes stole a crafty win, Damian Priest survived Tonga trouble, and Danhausen returned to mad science. Greetings, comrades!
It is I, your magnificent El Presidente, reporting to you live from the rooftop infinity pool of my Presidential Palace, where I am currently floating on an inflatable swan the size of a small fishing vessel, recovering from last night's broadcast offrom the Colonial Life Arena in Columbia, South Carolina! Esteban, my beloved capybara, is paddling beside me on his own smaller inflatable swan, sipping a piña colada through a crazy straw made of pure platinum that I confiscated from a Saudi prince who lost a bet to me at baccarat.
Now, comrades, let us discuss the blue brand's offerings, becausedelivered enough drama last night to fuel three coup attempts and a minor border skirmish!in Columbia, South Carolina was the kind of adulation I myself receive when I return to my home village after a long campaign of"diplomatic outreach.
" The United States Champion strutted out in his lemon pepper steppers to a crowd that loved him like the proletariat loves a free loaf of bread. Beautiful scenes, comrades! It reminded me of my own triumphant return to my hometown after the failed coup of 1987 — though in my case the cheers were largely mandatory and enforced by armed guards.to ruin the festivities like the CIA ruined my 40th birthday party in 1992.
Miz, that loquacious capitalist parasite, set up a match with the United States Champion right then and there. Comrades, I have not seen a hometown celebration hijacked this efficiently since I crashedwas a delightful affair!
Kit Wilson did his best snake-in-the-grass impression behind the referee's back, Miz hit the Skull Crushing Finale only for Trick to kick out, and then — comrades, you will not believe this —appeared and snatched a kendo stick away from Miz to crack Kit Wilson with it! A rapper intervening in a wrestling match to defend the workers from the bourgeoisie — this is the kind of solidarity I have been preaching for decades!
Trick hit the Trick Shot for the win, and Columbia erupted. Whoop that Trick, indeed!in a non-title bout, and comrades, the champions looked sharp! Brie unleashed the Yes Kicks on both opponents — a move I once attempted on a French ambassador during a particularly heated dinner party — and Paige finished Kiana James with the Rampaige.
Speaking of Paige, I once tried to rename my nation's capital"Rampaige City" after a karaoke duet we shared in Mykonos, but the cabinet vetoed it when the CIA complained it made their paperwork confusing. — a man whose mustache I deeply respect — decreed that Gunther and Keys must fight for the title shot. Comrades, this is exactly how I handle disputes in my cabinet! Two ministers want the same job?
Last one standing gets the office. It builds character and reduces the pension budget.in what was an exciting back-and-forth contest. Saints survived Dirty Diana and the First 48, hit the Revolution DDT for a near-fall, then made the classic mistake of arguing with the referee — and comrades, NEVER argue with the official, as I learned at a FIFA tribunal in 2003.
Hayes rolled him up using the ropes for leverage, the kind of dirty tactic the CIA has tried to use against me approximately 47 times. A win is a win, comrade Carmelo!not medically cleared ,emerged to even the odds in the most uneven way possible.
Comrades, the Tongas operate exactly like my old paramilitary unit — strength in numbers and absolutely no concept of fair play. I respect it!returned to his cloning machine, and comrades, I must say — this strange little wizard speaks to my soul. I too have a cloning machine in the basement of my volcano lair, though mine is used exclusively to produce body doubles for state functions I would rather not attend.
Last week I sent three of them to a UN summit and went fishing with Esteban instead. They never noticed!standing behind The Storm in solidarity. Comrades, the tension was thicker than the gravy at my state dinners!
I watched this segment alongsidevia satellite link as promised, and he was so riveted he forgot to insult me for a full eleven minutes — a personal record!ended in a disqualification when Jade Cargill yanked Alexa Bliss out of the ring mid-pin after a Sister Abigail on B-Fab. Then came the post-match beatdown, with Jade, Michin, and B-Fab stomping a mudhole into Charlotte and Alexa.
Comrades, DQ finishes are like minor coup attempts — frustrating, inconclusive, but they set up the bigger conflict to come. I approve of the long game here!was a hoss fight for the ages! Royce Keys threw Gunther around like he was tossing me out of a Macau casino after I tried to pay with currency from a country that no longer exists. World's Strongest Slams on the announce table!
Superplexes! Gunther locked in a sleeper, but Solo Sikoa came down to interfere — and then, comrades, the most beautiful betrayal: Solo handed Keys a steel chair, and Keys cracked Solo with it instead! Friendships dissolve faster in professional wrestling than they do in dictator summits, and that is saying something. Gunther capitalized with a powerbomb and earned his title shot at Clash in Italy.
But then! Cody Rhodes emerged to plant Gunther with Cross Rhodes to close the show, sending a message to his Austrian challenger. The American Nightmare playing dirty, comrades! I knew I liked that man.!
A solid evening of programming that delivered hometown joy, betrayals, beatdowns, and a clone machine — what more could a viewer ask for? Now, if you will excuse me, Esteban has just informed me that the inflatable swan fleet requires reinforcements, and I must summon my pool boy at once.
Until next time — long live the workers, long liveAs a lucrative side hustle from his job as the duly-elected leader of a socialist dictatorship, His Excellency El Presidente reports on his favorite elements of American pop culture, most notably its highest forms of artistic expression: pro wrestling, comic books, and reality television. Yes, comrades, even international despots are affected by the gig economy.
Unfortunately, since the CIA sabotaged his extremely popular 1-900 hotline, El Presidente has been forced to partner with the capitalist pigs at Bleeding Cool to deliver his message directly to the people. When not dodging extradition requests or international sanctions, he enjoys long walks on the beach with his collection of championship belts and arguing with his own body doubles about booking decisions. Read his latest posts, or die like dogs... the choice is yours!
Comrades, your El Presidente reviews WWE SmackDown from Columbia, where Trick Williams celebrated, Gunther earned his title shot, and Cody sent a message! Comrades, your El Presidente previews tonight's WWE SmackDown, where Gunther may defect, Trick Williams goes home, and Jade Cargill brings the storm! Comrades! Tonight's AEW Dynamite brings Darby vs. Takeshita, Ospreay's return, MJF's precious hair on the line, and the Owen Cup brackets!
Viva la revolución! El Presidente reviews WWE Raw, comrades! Jacob Fatu destroys Roman Reigns, Asuka bids farewell to IYO SKY, and Oba Femi kidnaps Los Garza. Viva la revolución!
Comrades, El Presidente previews tonight's WWE Raw! Roman Reigns demands Jacob Fatu acknowledge him, Bron Breakker leads The Vision, and Oba Femi rules! El Presidente reviews AEW Collision: Fairway to Hell, where Darby Allin survived sand traps, balconies, and PAC to retain the AEW World Title, comrades! Comrades, your El Presidente reviews WWE SmackDown from Columbia, where Trick Williams celebrated, Gunther earned his title shot, and Cody sent a message!
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