Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from the gilded observation deck of my personal zeppelin, currently drifting somewhere over the Caribbean while my pet capybara Esteban demands another helping of caviar and a fresh copy of the WWE Raw rundown.
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you live from the gilded observation deck of my personal zeppelin, currently drifting somewhere over the Caribbean while my pet capybara Esteban demands another helping of caviar and a fresh copy of the WWE Raw rundown.
After a long weekend of state-sponsored WWE Backlash viewing — during which I forced my entire cabinet to watch alongside me at gunpoint, as is tradition — we now enter the most dangerous phase of any wrestling cycle, comrades: the post-PLE cleanup. WWE Raw tonight airs at 8 PM ET / 5 PM PT on Netflix from the Food City Center in Knoxville, Tennessee, and the WWE government remains gloriously unstable.
Roman Reigns barely survived Jacob Fatu, Bron Breakker finally broke through Seth Rollins, IYO SKY defeated Asuka, John Cena announced something called the John Cena Classic, and Danhausen appears to have cloned himself in violation of several international treaties. The propaganda, however, is excellent. Roman Reigns endures a brutal attack from Jacob Fatu at WWE Backlash. Roman Reigns Calls for Jacob Fatu's Acknowledgement Ceremony Roman Reigns and Jacob Fatu featured in a WWE Raw promo tonight.
Moments after Roman Reigns overcame Jacob Fatu in a brutal match at WWE Backlash, The Samoan Werewolf unleashed a vicious attack on The OTC and everyone is sight. Tonight, a special Acknowledgment Ceremony is scheduled to take place. Will Fatu finally acknowledge The Tribal Chief after his defeat? Or will chaos reign?
Find out tonight at 8 ET/5 PT on Raw on Netflix. Comrades, El Presidente respects an Acknowledgement Ceremony more than any other ritual in the wrestling arts. In my own glorious republic, Acknowledgement Ceremonies were mandatory every Wednesday at noon, and any citizen who failed to properly bow, kneel, or weep with sufficient enthusiasm was promptly reassigned to the Ministry of Unmarked Vans.
I once held a particularly memorable Acknowledgement Ceremony in 1987 with Manuel Noriega and a young, surprisingly drunk David Hasselhoff in attendance — Noriega refused to acknowledge me, and three weeks later the CIA invaded Panama. Coincidence? I think not, comrades. But I must warn Roman Reigns: Jacob Fatu does not strike me as a man who enjoys ceremonies, protocols, table service, or basic furniture safety.
The Street Profits & Joe Hendry vs. The Vision WWE Raw preview graphic for tonight's Backlash fallout show on Netflix. Last week, Montez Ford and Angelo Dawkins once agains got involved in The Vision's business and, as a result, felt the full force of Bron Breakker's wrath. The Street Profits managed to regroup, however, and joined Joe Hendry in a ringside brawl against World Tag Team Champions Logan Paul and Austin Theory.
In the process, they inadvertently caused a distraction that allowed Breakker to Spear Seth Rollins into this week. Tonight, The Street Profits will join forces with Joe Hendry against The Vision in a Six-Man Tag Team Match. Find out who will emerge victorious tonight at 8 ET/5 PT on Netflix. Comrades, Bron Breakker has become precisely the kind of state weapon that El Presidente would absolutely deny possessing during a tense UN inspection.
He is a tank with hair. He is a missile with a contract. Paul Heyman has assembled what can only be described as a junta around him, with Logan Paul and Austin Theory serving as the propaganda wing. Joe Hendry and Montez Ford and Angelo Dawkins are brave to oppose this regime, but as my old drinking companion Muammar Gaddafi once told me over a bottle of stolen French wine, 'Bravery has never stopped a tank, my friend.
' He was correct, comrades, although I should note he was eventually stopped by a tank, which was awkward. The Oba Femi Open Challenge Continues WWE Raw preview graphic featuring Oba Femi, with Raw airing tonight on Netflix. Last week on Raw, The Oba Femi Open Challenge kicked off as The Ruler powered though Otis. Who will step up to Femi when The Open Challenge roars on?
Find out tonight at 8 ET/5 PT on Raw on Netflix. El Presidente fully endorses the Oba Femi Open Challenge because it is simple, efficient, and absolutely terrifying — three qualities that any successful authoritarian regime should aspire to. In my country, this is how tax disputes were settled. You believe you have been overcharged?
Step into the ring with the largest man in the Ministry of Finance. Sometimes television does its job by simply feeding one large terrifying man another large doomed man, and frankly, comrades, this is more honest than most democracies. Paige & Brie Bella Respond to The Judgment Day WWE Raw promo for tonight's show on Netflix, featuring Women's Tag Champions Brie Bella and Paige.
Paige & Brie Bella have made it clear that they are not going to back down from a challenge. Accordingly, the WWE Women's Tag Team Champions will answer The Judgment Day's call to come to Raw. Don't miss all the action on Raw, tonight at 8 ET/5 PT on Raw on Netflix.
Comrades, Paige and Brie Bella are champions being summoned by The Judgment Day, and as any seasoned dictator will tell you, this is a tactical error of the highest order. El Presidente has never responded to a summons in his life unless the summons came with full diplomatic immunity, a guaranteed helicopter extraction route, an open bar, and a personal apology hand-delivered by Roxanne Perez's superiors.
Once, in 1998, Saddam Hussein invited me to 'discuss matters' in Baghdad, and I sent Esteban in my place wearing a tiny sash. The capybara returned with a state medal and a mild rash. That, comrades, is how you handle a summons.
Thank you to the loyal propagandists at WWE's website for the official preview materials, which you may peruse yourself at the official WWE Raw preview page, assuming the CIA has not blocked it in your region as they have repeatedly tried to do in mine. So tune in tonight, comrades, to WWE Raw at 8 PM ET / 5 PM PT on Netflix!
El Presidente will be watching from the rooftop infinity pool of my volcano-lair fortress, with Esteban floating beside me on a tiny inflatable yacht, a string quartet playing softly behind us, and three rotating servants delivering chilled champagne and small plates of caviar between every commercial break. If Jacob Fatu chokeslams Roman Reigns through another piece of furniture, I will personally fire a celebratory cannon into the jungle. Viva la lucha libre, and viva la revolución!
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