'Growing up with the expectation of an arranged marriage, I knew that disappointing my parents was inevitable.'
my bed in the little bedroom I rented in Melbourne’s inner north. My laptop was open to a browser, where I was putting the finishing touches on a blog. I selected a photo of Indian actor Amrish Puri, whose stern expression was what I considered to be the epitome of a strict father’s face. I typed in the heading: “How to deal with disappointing your parents”.
“The expectation that I would have an arranged marriage was something I understood from as early as I can remember.” Regardless of a relationship, I knew that I wanted to live in a way that was outside the bounds of my family’s experiences. I wanted to live alone, but in my culture children live with their parents until they’re married. I wanted to go to gigs, to travel the world, and maybe never settle down or have children. All of these things felt impossible to me, because I didn’t see any other Indian-Muslim young people doing them – especially not girls.
But I knew that this process wouldn’t fit Chris and me. For a start, one of the things we share is our atheism – my own faith had changed a lot over the years, and my parents knew that Islam didn’t fit me any more. I do still have a connection to the teachings of Islam, but organised religion doesn’t align with my values, and Chris is the same.
In the end, I did the Millennial thing and emailed my parents to tell them about Chris. I laboured over the content, and then sent it with my heart in my throat, texting them to tell them to check their inbox. Then I turned off my phone, and burst into tears. The thing that all of my Googling couldn’t tell me was that there was never going to be a linear pathway forward.
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