A sexologist answers her most frequently asked question.
One of the most common questions sexologists get, particularly from people with vaginas, involves the ability to have an orgasm during solo or partnered sex. Some people with this issue think there’s something wrong with them and might subscribe to incorrect ideas about how to get there. Or they don’t recognize the role arousal plays in their response.
It takes a certain amount of time for arousal to lead to orgasm. The problem some people have is that they rush it—or their partner does. Arousal-building activities can be the difference between mediocre sex and good sex, OK sex and orgasmic sex. This includes what many people call “foreplay,” a term I don’t favor because it sounds like they are working up to “real” sex.
Its role is significant even if we don’t count brain chemistry. Solo or partnered, fantasy can increase arousal—and so can erotic visuals or stories. When partners talk dirty to each other, they’re doing the same thing.
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