When someone you care about is sad, angry, or scared, it's tempting to offer advice. But that's not the best response—this is.
."For example, instead of telling a distressed person how to feel, like 'don't take it so hard' or 'don't think about it,' you could encourage them to talk about their thoughts or feelings so that person can come to their own conclusions about how to change their feelings or behaviors."
The main objective of this research was to pinpoint why well-intentioned efforts to comfort others often fail."We wanted to examine the underlying mechanism that explains why some supportive messages may produce unintended consequences," co-author, who is the department head and professor of communication arts and sciences at Penn State, said in the news release."We also wanted to understand how people cognitively and emotionally respond to insensitive social support.
"It makes sense that you'd be really upset about this" is an example of a support message that is high on the scale of person-centeredness. Conversely, sending a message of intended support, like "It isn't worth getting upset about this," or"Stop being so emotional!" reflects a low level of person-centeredness and lacks the key ingredient of validation.
"Another recommendation that can be taken from this research is that people may want to use moderately to highly person-centered messages when helping others cope with everyday stressors," Solomon added.
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