For starters, playing out a fantasy in your head can feel much safer than doing it in real life.
staff sexologist. If your fantasies involve aspects of science-fiction, like sex with aliens, for example, it’s not even an option to try in real life.
Both of these reasons underscore the overarching value in fantasizing about things you wouldn't do in real life: They’re just that—. That means they can exist exactly how we want, which is often superior to what may play out in real life. “Even scenarios that we might want to become reality will never exactly play out the way we imagine them because they are different by definition,” says Dr.
Next, imagine yourself actually acting out the fantasy and take note of how it feels. If you feel an aversion as you picture yourself enacting the fantasy, Dr. Pitagora says this may be a sign you don’t want to try the fantasy. Alternatively, if you feel excitement, take note of what exactly excites you.
You might even write down a list of pros and cons of what excites you and what you don’t like, Stewart suggests. If you have a lengthy list of cons and only a few items on the pros side, this might be a sign that it’s not a good fit, and vice versa. And if you find yourself often stuck in thought trying to understand the reason you have sexual fantasies that you don't want to act on in real life, Stewart recommends seeking out the support of as sex therapist. You may find that there are elements of your fantasy—such as power, sensations, or emotions—that you enjoy and want to try out. Or you may find that this fantasy is enjoyable simply because it’s a fantasy.
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