'I’ll dress my family in fall sweaters, show up with a pumpkin pie, and just smile. Even though I'm crying on the inside.'
‘Tis the season for family get-togethers. Forgive me, but I’m not thrilled. I love my husband and kids, and I can’t wait share the season with them, but the rest of my family… not so much.with. You’re right, I feel guilty for that exact reason. But what happens when your family doesn’t feel like family? Because mine doesn’t, and it sucks.
My parents and I have a bit of a tumultuous past that no one talks about. The long-standing issues between us have never been resolved, but not for lack of trying; we’ve just never been able to see eye to eye. Every attempt ends in a stalemate. My family and I are as different as night and day. We disagree on nearly everything from politics, to religion, to our ideas on raising children. Our conversations are typically awkward and superficial to avoid any controversial topics.
One cousin shows up high, if he shows up at all. Another spends the whole occasion tending to his wife, who looks painfully uncomfortable to be in our presence. My aunt bitches about the desserts and scowls at everyone from the corner of the room. Grandma complains that no one visits enough, my mom responds to everything is a sing-song voice that feels so forced it makes me cringe. We all smile over pumpkin pie, pretending this is normal and everything is fine.
The problem is, walking away isn’t as easy as it sounds. They won’t understand and it will hurt them. I may not agree with anything they do, but I don’t want to hurt them. Some ties would be easier to sever than others. Some of them probably feel the same way, but not all of them. My parents would likely be devastated, my mother anyway. She walks only in my father’s shadow, recounting his stories, sharing his views, so it’s impossible to know what she really thinks about anything anymore.
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