Why do people throw children into the scream chambers of misery and self-loathing that come with smartphones?
One of the many downsides of life in the digital age is the amount of horsepower being generated online by parents working assiduously towards obtaining a master’s degree in Haranguing People About All The Things They’re Doing Better Than You.
Mind that flaming sambuca, but at least there’s a pathway back to sobriety. If your child’s “drug of choice” involves a smartphone, good luck with that.You know what the other excellent thing about the 1980s was? No smartphones.
However, in a hypothetical scenario where I was forced to choose between handing my 12-year-old his own smartphone, or watching him down a shot of flaming Sambuca, I would unhesitatingly opt for the latter. Furthermore, I would gladly ignite it myself, before offering him a chaser of Winfield Blues and a lighter.I’m not sure when I traversed the godless terrain between having an embarrassing parent and being an embarrassing parent, but it’s done.
As ever, I arrived at my extremist position on smartphones for the under-18 set by deploying a potent mix of contrarianism and unvarnished self-interest. In another life, I would’ve made an excellent Third World despot.I nonetheless reckon I’m onto something.
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