When I had a falling out with a long-time mentor, I insisted he owed me an apology. I found it impossible to forgive someone who showed no remorse.
When I had a falling out with a long-time mentor, I insisted he owed me an apology. 'I'm sorry for the imaginary crime you think I committed,' he responded, making me want to commit a real crime. I found it impossible to forgive someone who showed no remorse. But was that a bad thing? It's a question especially relevant during the High Holy Days this weekend, when Jews atone and repent for past sins we've committed against God and our fellow humans, asking for absolution.
Yet does retrospective regret help anyone heal from crimes and atrocities or keep them from recurring? A Holocaust survivor I interviewed who refused to accept the German government's official apology in 1951—despite the restitution paid—and lived his life thriving out of spite, pointed out how antisemitism is now soaring in Europe and the United States. A Bosnian Muslim victim of ethnic cleansing in the Balkan war healed only by speaking out against the crimes he witnessed.
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