Though self-care techniques are recommended to clients in psychotherapy, they are often rejected or ignored. But we can increase the use of these recommendations.
Personalizing recommendations to the client, identifying benefits and obstacles, can help. No client enters therapy with a problem of deficient self-care or relaxation skills. Yet, common mental health recommendations, such as these, can be helpful.
Why do some clients reject them?
“Yeah, yeah. I tried, but it didn't work for me. ” “When would I have time for that? ” When parent self-care was suggested as a topic for a webinar at Boston Children's Hospital, my colleague said, “Parents will only come if we pitch that it is about taking care of someone else.
”enough, and using relaxation skills, are helpful is often the reason that the person does not succeed in using them. Sometimes clients aren’t relaxed or able to take care of themselves because of their mental health concerns. Self-care may feel like an unaffordable luxury. Their time is swallowed up by what brings them in for treatment.
Standard recommendations, if given out of the gate, serve as a dismissal of their experience.
“Haven’t you heard me? Don’t you know what I am going through? How could you possibly imagine that I can do that? ” Focusing prematurely on these skills may cause recommendations to seem generic and unrelated to the reason the person sought help.
How can you identify important self-care skills that would be useful and then weave them into a client's regular life? Here are some suggestions: Identify why they are seeing you and do a deep dive into their concerns before suggesting strategies. What is their goal? Deep, active listening and processing of the person’s story is the best place to begin when meeting a new client.
This focus on the unique story of this client will be the start to developing a helpful plan, often including self-care. No one wants to feel that theirDelay discussion of such techniques until you see the additive, and connected, value of these particular skills to their central concerns. Even though it is broadly helpful to work on self-care and relaxation, it is better to pick the right techniques for the individual. After listening to and hearing their story.
Next, ask yourself: “Does this strategy match this person's, situation, and problem? ” For example, are they someone who likes to use imagery? A beautiful shoe doesn't fit everyone who tries it on. Don’t minimize the fact that they may have tried something similar to what you are suggesting.
Find out what they have tried and how it went. Knowing these facts will help you tailor your recommendations. We have to be cautious not to recommend new things that undermine systems and strategies that are already working! If you are using the same scripts and talking points with every patient, ask yourself whether they really could just read a blog or ask If they don’t do it, why not?
Does it fit into their value system? Is there space in their life for it?survivors don’t enjoy relaxation, as it makes them feel vulnerable. Caregivers with ill children may find relaxation or taking time off to be dangerous to the health needs of their child. Maybe self-care doesn’t fit with the client’s value of selflessness.
Is it a lack of information on the “how to” or is there something more substantial that leads them to reject it? Maybe the client has to work too many hours to make ends meet, and the only time left would be either self-care or time with their kids. There is nothing worse than being told you can make time or choose to afford something when you really can’t. Sometimes people really don’t have extra time or money.
Telling them they do could be harmful. Often, therapists ignore these very basic and factual inequities.
Finally, have you vetted these techniques yourself? Are you just talking the talk or are you walking the walk? Do you use relaxation techniques as a regular part of your routine or coping? Do you prioritize exercise, proper sleep, and eating healthy foods?
I have seen many therapists recommend this and then, in their non-therapy moments, look extremely beleaguered. I have also heard therapists recommend a Google search or watching a technique on YouTube that they have never tried themselves. These self-care techniques are enormously helpful. That said, they are just that, one tool in your toolbox.
After you give a client your fulland hear their unique story, you can engage them around self-care strategies. And they may not reject these recommendations as often! Don't miss an update! Get posts from Elisa T. Bronfman, Ph.
D., and Johanna D. Sagarin, Ph. D. direct to your inboxis a teacher of graduate students, interns, fellows and residents, a clinician working with children, adults and families, and a Senior Psychologist at Boston Children's Hospital. Self Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted?
Are you a narcissist? Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.
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