Explicit or unspoken expectations of financial assistance by parents, siblings and other relatives carry a mental and emotional price. | News24Wellness
Handle Black Tax Like a Propresents ten stories based on real situations – from family members’ expectations to fear of jeopardising relationships by saying ‘no’. Each story explores different themes and complexities on the black tax spectrum, followed by reflections on how each situation could have been handled.is an engaging and practical guide to addressing this issue. Here Hadebe talks about why boundaries are so important in this and other areas.
Your boundary need not be an angry electric fence that shocks those who touch it. It can be a consistency of light around you that announces, ‘I will be treated sacredly.’Boundaries are about your personal truth. This truth is the sum of what you consider to be your needs and wants, and can be discovered by listening to how you feel about something, someone or a situation.
You say the opposite of what you know to be your truth – for example, you say ‘yes’ when your truth would be to say ‘no’.You act against your integrity or values to please others – for example, you laugh at a joke you consider inappropriate because it’s racist or homophobic and you don’t call out the person telling the joke.You choke up when trying to communicate needs or how you want to be treated in a relationship.
We struggle with expressing our truth because we are human – belonging and inclusion are basic needs for our survival. It’s that simple. Yet, the simplicity of it is precisely what complicates things. As human beings, we intuitively recognise belonging as a primary need, and, as such, we learn and master the art of gaining acceptance. One of the ways we learn to do this is by withholding our truths and diluting our needs, wants, feelings and thoughts.
The hurt experienced during exclusion leads the subconscious mind to devise ways and means to avoid it or reduce the amount of time it is experienced. We learn to lie about our needs, wants, feelings and thoughts to ourselves and to those around us. We get so good at it that we don’t even know we are doing it. In the event that we are cornered enough to have to face our truths, we face a bigger struggle in communicating those truths.
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