For this week's AreUComing, UnhappyFem goes to a sports bar: 'A big-armed guy in a golf top raises his flailing girlfriend into the air against her will, while everyone else in the bar turns their head to the screens like meerkats standing at attention'
It’s game time. Photo: Brock Colyar On Saturday night, it was brought to my reluctant attention that we’re in the middle of the NCAA March Madness basketball tournament. You see, my parents are jocks.
8:25 p.m. | “You missed the hog call,” my Arkansan tells me when I find her, though I’m not sure that’s a bad thing. 8:40 p.m. | Someone farted , and the Barstool guy is being really dramatic about it — pulling his hoodie over his nose, like a toddler, for almost five minutes. “I wish my dog was still here. I would’ve blamed my dog,” he tells me.
9:20 p.m. | For a while, I get transfixed watching the boys on the court — notably Jaylin Williams and the daddy head coach. Also: Who has cable anymore? I spend just as much time lost in the commercials for consumer goods like iPads , Nissans, Arby’s, manscaping, another Harry Potter movie — Don’t talk about J.K. Rowling, don’t talk about J.K. Rowling, don’t talk about trans athletes — and, conveniently timed for the week New York dropped vaccine mandates for pro athletes, shots of Pfizer.
The drink of choice. Photo: Brock Colyar 9:43 p.m. | Half-time. 45–33, Duke. I’m surprised to find out there are not four quarters in this game. 10:15 p.m. | The second half begins. Duke starts to pull ahead, and the crowd begins to lose focus. I watch a puzzling number of women FaceTime their friends, somehow communicating over the noise of the TVs and the male screaming, and even more men and women log onto social apps I didn’t know people used anymore, notably Snapchat and Facebook. Everyone takes a selfie.
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