We all see colour, writes Sisonke Msimang. But instead of being seduced by the superficiality of exoticism, why not look for points of familiarity instead?
I am curious about people’s ethnicity but am never sure whether I’m allowed to ask or how to ask. For example, if I’m working with someone who is dark skinned and I’m curious about what race they may have in their family tree, can I ask them?Thank you for this question. I suspect a lot of white people will relate to your curiosity and with the awkwardness that comes with wanting to answer these questions without causing offence.
Gatwiri makes the point that “If the question of the ethnicity of a Black person is the first thing that you would be curious about as soon as you meet them, then that can come off wrong and strong. It’s not that Black people are offended by curiosity in general; it’s that often Black people become fatigued with being only experienced in racial terms through the white gaze.”
This means that even though answering all these questions can be burdensome, we have to operate as cultural ambassadors. Ultimately, the curiosity of white strangers comes at a cost, and makes many of us feel that our heritage will always be the first – and perhaps the only – point of interest, no matter how long we have lived in a place.
As a general rule, no matter who I am meeting, I assume we have something in common and I ask open-ended questions that move us in the direction of finding points of connection. At the moment, your questions are geared towards exploring difference.
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