Years ago, our lives had had been shattered by the death of my husband. But now something extraordinary was happening
I thought someone had died when the phone rang at 5:15 a.m. because, what else could it be?My heart raced. I’d been here before, suspended in time, the moment that precedes hearing terrible news. Then the dog began licking my face. Cupping his hand over the phone, my husband, Moungi Bawendi, turned and whispered: “Stockholm.
And I dug obsessively, desperate to figure out why he’d turned his back on us, until I learned the ways that deep, shame-laced depression creates a kind of tunnel vision in which the only goal is to stop the pain.Despite the yearning and sorrow that we still hold, the three of us woke up that first bewildering morning and planned for one day, then the next. The girls grew up. We worked and loved and missed their father and went on.
“It’s weird,” she said. “All of these good things are happening, and we’re experiencing them only because dad died. Not, like, exactlyI nodded, because it was weird, and also true. We reassured each other that different good things would have happened if our family had remained intact. On the weekend I threw a party, with close friends and our kids crammed in the kitchen drinking Kir royales and snacking on French cheeses with fig jam. These were the people who had gathered around me in crisis, and now it was time to celebrate.
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