What not to do to help teens succeed, and 6 things to do instead.

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What not to do to help teens succeed, and 6 things to do instead.
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Parents and supportive adults want the teens in their care to be successful. It can feel tempting to over-manage their efforts. That is not what teens need to achieve.

As another school year gets underway, parents are hearing a cacophony of sentiments from their teens. A high schooler moaning when it’s time to get up for what is actually a ridiculously early time for a high school class: “It’s too early! I need to sleep longer.” A college freshman sobbing into the phone: “I can’t do this. I feel so lost and I am never going to meet people.

Parents are understandably emotional in the face of their teens’ distress. It can feel so hard to tolerate seeing our kids upset and struggling. It is even harder to strike the right balance between offering validation and empowering them to manage hard things and cope through their own solutions. Parents are wired to instinctively protect their young and therefore feel urges to jump in and make things better.

The truth is, teens need to struggle, hurt, feel scared, try, fail, experience natural consequences, learn, move forward, persist, and do better at each next challenge. It is the nature and necessity ofin order to mature toward independence.

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