Your kid’s future employer needs you to get some things right, including being able to let them struggle.
Thankfully, Shields foreshadowed this. Bad news, it doesn’t get easier. Good news, they still need us, profoundly. Here are some other lessons I’ve learned, one year in:for working mothers like me. From my Mother’s Day column this year: As “my house and heart were suddenly empty, I realized how fleeting everything is. ‘It goes quick,’ people tell you when you have a baby. I thought they were referring to growth charts and milestones like walking and reading, pimples and prom.
To the extent that we can let our kids inhabit the same philosophies we employ at work—to fail, experience,—the better. I sometimes call people in their late teens and early twenties “Generation Know Everything” because they have been aware and exposed their entire lives. I dub my parents and their fellow Baby Boomers “Generation Patience” because they seem comfortable waiting in long lines, knowing imperfection awaits at every turn, and somehow still keeping the faith.
High schools and colleges—even, perhaps especially, the most elite ones—do not train students on these vital life skills. I onceor internships with friends or my network and am still committed to the idea. But I underestimated the lack of preparedness of many kids—including mine—to engage with the world professionally. That’s partly because their interactions have been largely remote for the past few years and partly because AP English classes usually don’t teach how to write cover letters.
My version of addressing this was leveling with my daughter on why my credit card was only for emergencies and why her weekly allowance was paltry compared to her peers: “I cannot teach you struggle,” I said. “The only way you will learn is to actually struggle.” This position is not intuitive for parents—it is actually the opposite of what we are biologically wired to do—and yet this is the time to begin reassessment.
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