Author Sia Figiel and anthropologist Doris Tulifau share their stories of being Samoan women and their struggles and survival.
Author and poet Sia Figiel and activist and anthropologist Doris Tulifau share their stories of being Samoan women. They also discuss the violence and challenges they’ve faced and how they survived.
This episode is included in Season 6 of the SAPIENS podcast, which was made possible by a grant from theWhen I saw the insides of a woman’s vagina for the first time, I was not alone. I was with Lili and Moa. Lili’s name was Ma’alili, but everyone called her Lili. Moa’s name was Moamoalulu, but everyone called her Moa. Lili was 17, and Moa was 16. They were older than me. They were already menstruating.This is Samoan novelist, poet, and playwright—and my friend—Sia Figiel.
And we want to reiterate that this isn’t everyone’s experience in Samoa. Many Samoan women know the joys of love and sexuality without fear. But for those who do, as for every society, we need to address these issues. Because Samoa isn’t the only place where people experience sexual violence. Growing up, someone in my community always had an opinion about me, an opinion they usually shared: “You should get a tattoo.” “You should say this to your elders.” “You should serve your family and community before yourself.”I think it’s clearly indicative of her lack of experience and insufficient research … speaking to my own experience as a Samoan woman who has basically spent my adult life researching the question of what it means to be Samoan, including being a Samoan woman.
I spent a lot of time there, but I also did a ton of extracurricular activities, which was the end of the world for my mom. She hated it. She was also comparing me to people at church. She’d say, “I wish you were like that girl.” But she had no idea what they were like behind closed doors. They weren’t perfect. I’ll tell you that much. When we have food for the whole Samoan community, girls are always serving. So it’s all the men in a circle, then the wives, and then the kids, and then us.
You brought over everyone. You’re trying to save everybody, like “Move to America. We’ll help you legally live at our house.” But we never made sure there was boundaries. We never made sure there was conversations like, “You’re living here, and these are my kids … You don’t touch anybody.” I never said anything to anybody.
She just looked at us, and she cried. Then we were mad. But as I get older, I realize she couldn’t do anything. He was the breadwinner. He was making all the money. He was also a citizen. She wasn’t. And she had three kids … five now. I think I just blocked it from there, and I just kept really exceeding in school because I wanted to get away from our family.
Finally I had had enough. Silence was getting me nowhere. I realized there was a power in sharing my story. First with strangers and then with my family:
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