Useful advice for couples and single swipers — not everything is a red flag.
that emerge in relationships, and we need language to describe the smaller problems too.
While a red flag could involve a relationship impasse, a yellow flag, for example, could be something that bothers you—maybe you hate the way the person you’re dating launches intowhen you want them to just listen as you vent—but something you think you can probably work through with your partner or on your own. Sure, your partner may have an annoying quirk that they should fix immediately , but you might need to work on your reaction to their quirk as well.
Having more flags at our disposal is helpful even before you start officially dating. When we’re swiping, more flag options might discourage you fromfor insignificant reasons. And flags are incredibly useful when you’re in a more established or serious relationship. Day after day, as your exciting new fling becomes something more familiar, small annoyances can start to scare you.
The best thing about an expanded flag system is that it doesn’t have to be limited to things that bug you. There can be green flags, qualities in your partner that make you feel safe. Noticing these can help keep small annoyances in check. I mention green flags because sometimes we don’t recognize them. If you’ve had a history of bad relationships or other forms of trauma, you might be uniquely attuned to spotting red and yellow flags and less in touch with the things that make you feel secure.
Most people are a mix of red, yellow, and green flags, and all the green flags in the world don't make really serious red flags excusable. When red flags aren’t dangerous or harmful, however, I’d argue that all relationships are about acknowledging the bad and good in a person and the good and bad in the dynamic between you and other people.
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