This article explores the common trait of people-pleasing, examining its potential origins in childhood experiences, its negative effects on self-care, and strategies for overcoming it. Therapists shed light on the struggles faced by people-pleasers and provide insights into setting healthy boundaries.
You’ve probably heard a friend or family member utter the phrase “I’m a people-pleaser.” Maybe you identify as one yourself. Or you’ve likely, a psychotherapist in Houston and the owner of Riaz Counseling. “There is some sort of a link to family culture in childhood.”
Establishing boundaries will help you filter out the people who take advantage of you, and will strengthen the relationships you have with those who do appreciate you, Moore said. As a people-pleaser, you may believe that if you decline an invite to a friend’s birthday party and your friend feels disappointed, then you’re responsible for their negative feelings and making your friend sad.
As a society, we encourage people to keep the peace, but “when we keep the peace of others, we lose our personal peace,” Riaz said. “It might be really difficult to bring up a differences of opinion if you’re a people-pleaser.” “Now I have friends or now my co-worker doesn’t talk to me anymore and ignores me. ... How do we emotionally deal with that?” Riaz said.
“I want to help my client set standards within their relationships,” Moore said. And it might be time to adjust your expectations and standards for certain relationships in your life. You should only hold people to an expectation that’s realistic based on their past behavior, Moore added.
People-Pleasing Therapy Boundaries Childhood Trauma Self-Care
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