Leaving an unhealthy relationship can be hard, even when you know it's hurting you. Here's how to move on.
We think of people as being motivated by gain, but the impulse to avoid loss is much stronger, even in relationships.
There are specific strategies you can use to motivate and empower yourself into leaving an unsatisfying or even toxic relationship.For all the mumbling about heading off to greener pastures and how the grass is always greener on the other side, the truth is that humans are, psychologically speaking, a conservative lot and much more likely to stay put than move on—even when it’s detrimental to our psychological and emotional health.
Not surprisingly, if the relationship you’re trying to disengage from consistently puts you in the line of fire—if there’s active verbal abuse, such as marginalizing, stonewalling,, or undermining your sense of self—you may find it even more difficult to head for the door. The sad truth is that these relationships are founded on an imbalance of power and put you in the position of trying to wrest something from the other person that he or she is either unwilling or unable to give you.
The painful truth is that the investment—whether it’s time or money or energy—is already long gone, and there’s no way of getting it back, and hanging around will only increase the investment you’ve already made. So, basically, you’ve got to take the loss on the chin—yes, the 5 or 10 years you spent trying to make this relationship work might have been better spent, ditto the money you poured into an endeavor—and figure out where you’re going next. Think spilled milk.
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