Town Fails To Rally Around Adult Trapped In Well

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Town Fails To Rally Around Adult Trapped In Well
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CATONSVILLE, MD—Tragedy failed to strike the small suburban town of Catonsville this week, when local resident and full-grown adult Michael Ennis fell down an abandoned well, spraining both of his ankles and drawing the sympathy of absolutely no one.

According to sources, the not-so-moving accident has left this normally quiet Maryland community in a state of utter indifference, with hundreds of men, women, and children neglecting to come together as one and rally around the trapped 38-year-old."I don't understand," said Janice Peters, who has spent every day since first hearing of Ennis' plight gardening in her backyard.

"In a situation like this, there's very little you can actually do," said Denton deputy sheriff Todd Levin, who identified the bruised and disoriented Ennis after peering down the well to see if a young child had fallen in with him. "We took pictures, you know, for our records and such. And went to this nice sandwich shop right up the street. But other than that, the whole thing wasn't as much fun as we all thought it was going to be.

To date, no money has been raised in an effort to rescue Ennis from the well, nor has anyone in the community volunteered to chip in and provide the desperate man with food, fresh water, or words of encouragement. Though Ennis has only had a handful of visitors in the past week, sources did confirm that several members of the town's First Presbyterian Church stopped by on Thursday and together prayed for the 38-year-old to "get his act together.

According to resident Stephanie Cox, who passes by the well every day during her morning jog, Ennis is currently sitting in a foot and a half of dirty water, and does not seem to be making any progress in scaling the well walls with his hands. Cox went on to add that while Ennis might be trying to fashion a makeshift rope out of his clothing, she couldn't be sure as she is currently "training for a marathon and can't really stop to check.

As Ennis enters his sixth straight day of being trapped, the citizens of Catonsville remain confident that the whole situation will eventually resolve itself. Locals are also holding out hope for a rainstorm projected for tomorrow night, which they believe might help to flush Ennis up and out of the well, or at the very least drown out the sound of his prolonged, tortured cries.

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